Does being a nice student make you happy?

March 20 is celebrated as International Day of Happiness.

In the author's happiness research, writing, and teaching over the last fifteen years in India and abroad, one question asked by some students is: Does being a nice student make one happy? The question is asked in different ways at different places by both boys and girls, and many of them look hesitant when asking it.

Today and even in the past, if you are a nice student, does that make you happy or unhappy? The supporting arguments are similar to those in popular culture, such as the idea that nice people finish last. If you are nice, people do take advantage of you, and you often feel taken for granted, cheated, or treated badly just because you are nice. One student explained it simply: if you are a nice kid and you don't make noise or cry, even your mother will not take care of you as much as she would another sibling or twin who does. So, even when you're nice, you can't get your mother's attention!

So, how does being nice make one happy or make one unhappy? Being nice can lead to both happiness and unhappiness, depending on how it is practised.

Let's look at some research on the phenomenon of being nice and its impact on a person's happiness or unhappiness. Here are some of the most important pieces of evidence from research on being nice and happiness. Research by Psychology Professor Vicki Helgesen at Carnegie Mellon University shows that always putting others first leads to feeling upset and depressed. Professor James Gross at Stanford University found that hiding real feelings to be nice can make people less happy and may feel depressed and nervous around others.

However, when one is genuinely nice and balances it with being assertive, even saying no when required and expresses one’s real emotions, it helps in happiness. Being nice in the right way, meaning taking care of oneself, also when being nice to others, creates a positive self-concept and keeps one at peace with oneself, which is a big help in happiness. Being nice in the right way also helps in better relationships, which are a key requirement for happiness.

So, being nice in the right way is what students should try to imbibe to add to their happiness.

Lets be nice in the right way to live a happier and fulfilling lives.

(This article is written by Dr. Rajesh K. Pillania, Professor, Management Development Institute, Gurgaon. This is an opinionated article; EPN has nothing to do with this editorial.)